Restlessness

Lately it feels that some things are coming into clearer focus for me. It seems like it is difficult to be truly prepared for something until you're right in the middle of it. And I think that's what's happening for me right now. What seems to be a theme of many of my posts, and my life in general right now, is transitions. The last few months have been full of huge change for me, and I don't think I was very prepared for how it would really be. Within three months, I have graduated from college, gotten married, moved to a new town, started a new job and ministry. In my own perspective I didn't fully grasp how completely life would be different on the opposite side of all of these major things. All of a sudden normal has become a completely different thing for me. In fact, I don't even think I really know what normal is anymore. My realization has been this is a season where I refine myself, and refine the way life is. God is really going to have to help me figure out how I should be, who I should be, how I should live my life. I have tried to do it, but because of the shock of all this change, I have slumped into a habit of laziness. The result has been this almost insatiable restlessness. When everything is so different, it's hard to push yourself to step out and build healthy patterns in your life. It's hard to feel like you have a ready supply of people to support you and be there when you need people. Sometimes I feel stuck, living life by the default, when I know full well that I need to live beyond the default. The redefining of everything, including myself seems to be a slow, long process. Yet in spite of all this, I know God's grace is enough to cover it. His grace is enough to carry me through this season. His grace is enough to redefine me and to build me into the person He wants me to be and show me how He wants me to live. And that is where I am.