Simple Celebrations

As strange as it may sound, I discovered a small break in the pattern of strangeness in my life. Last night, I had an urge to get out my scrapbooking stuff and start working on my memory book again, something that I have not been able to do for a VERY long time, thanks to a schedule consumed by homework for the last few years. I suddenly felt how freeing something like this is. As cheesy as it may sound, it was just great to finally do something creative, and to think in a way that I haven't for a while.
So perhaps this is the beginning of something good for me. I find myself wanting to take up some of the hobbies that have been put on hold for so long, and enjoy doing them again. I guess you could call it squelching certain gifts in order to nurture other gifts. I think it's time to bring these creative gifts back to my life. And that is very exciting to me.

Restlessness

Lately it feels that some things are coming into clearer focus for me. It seems like it is difficult to be truly prepared for something until you're right in the middle of it. And I think that's what's happening for me right now. What seems to be a theme of many of my posts, and my life in general right now, is transitions. The last few months have been full of huge change for me, and I don't think I was very prepared for how it would really be. Within three months, I have graduated from college, gotten married, moved to a new town, started a new job and ministry. In my own perspective I didn't fully grasp how completely life would be different on the opposite side of all of these major things. All of a sudden normal has become a completely different thing for me. In fact, I don't even think I really know what normal is anymore. My realization has been this is a season where I refine myself, and refine the way life is. God is really going to have to help me figure out how I should be, who I should be, how I should live my life. I have tried to do it, but because of the shock of all this change, I have slumped into a habit of laziness. The result has been this almost insatiable restlessness. When everything is so different, it's hard to push yourself to step out and build healthy patterns in your life. It's hard to feel like you have a ready supply of people to support you and be there when you need people. Sometimes I feel stuck, living life by the default, when I know full well that I need to live beyond the default. The redefining of everything, including myself seems to be a slow, long process. Yet in spite of all this, I know God's grace is enough to cover it. His grace is enough to carry me through this season. His grace is enough to redefine me and to build me into the person He wants me to be and show me how He wants me to live. And that is where I am.

License Plates and Seasons

This weekend, we changed the license plates on our car. We no longer carry the mark of Idaho whenever we travel, we are officially Californians. This has been a difficult transition for me to make, and for some reason doing something as simple as changing the license plates brought it all to a head.
The last few weeks have been somewhat emotional for me, as it seems I have regular memories of being home. Smells will bring up an obscure memory from my childhood. A few colder mornings with fog would make me wish for the cold, crisp fall mornings in Idaho. Or perhaps something we cook will make me think of a moment in the kitchen, cooking with mom.
Perhaps this has all shown me even more how difficult transitions really can be. I've spent four years away from home at this time of year and it never really seems to get any easier. And this is largely because California does not have seasons. It's so strange how much I have come to associate seasons with home and memories with important people in my life. I'm not saying I don't like California. It has its own beauty and its own qualities, but lately I am homesick for Idaho and homesick for family, friends from my childhood and teenaged years, and people who are familiar. God brings us through changes sometimes...changes we may not feel ready for, changes that seem simple but are hard to process. Although our car shows off California license plates now, I still want to be an Idahoan, not because I am showing off Idaho pride, but because of the people. I guess this is my time to learn to lean on God when change is hard, when I cry over a licence plate, when I wish the weather was cold and when I miss home.

Changing Seasons

Seth and I were able to be on the worship team for LIFE's fall retreat this weekend. It was a great weekend, but a very interesting experience as well. We both realized that we are not a part of that environment anymore and it was strange. Obviously we are in a season of transition, in a season of learning how to be where we are and to build relationships with the people around us. LIFE is very much a place of familiarity, with people we know and love, a place of comfort. It is interesting to realize that God has moved us on, He has called us to do something else with our lives. The strange realization is how much I didn't expect to miss the college stage of my life so much. It seems like more than anything, this weekend showed me that as great and amazing as the college years are, they are not meant to be perpetual. They are meant to be temporary. Nevertheless I am thankful that I experienced these years at LIFE Pacific College.
So now to move on, learn how to still be involved at LIFE and carry on those friendships, and yet learn how to live in the season and the place God has placed us in now. What a strange and interesting place to find myself in.