The Business of the Creator

Today I was looking at one of my favorite passages and something new just came to me (I love it when that happens).
Psalm 139:1-18
"O Lord, you search me
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, o Lord.
You hem me in--behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, 'Surely the darkness will hid me
and the light become night around me,'
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden for you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, o God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake, I am still with you."
God really is the ultimate Creator. As if creating "the earth and everything in it" isn't enough, the care and precision He takes in creating each one of us really is amazing. The world really only sees the finished product when it looks at us, and even those who know us the best still don't know certain details about us. God is the only one who could ever know every single detail, even the most personal ones. Although that may make some of us uncomfortable, it is also so comforting. I mean, how exactly does He know all that about each one of us? Simply because He is the one who made us. He even formed us when no one else could see us, He "created my inmost being and knit me together in my mother's womb." He knows the exact details going into forming a baby (which is something, even with technology, we will never fully understand). He sees the things none of us ever see...and really who understands a creation better than the creator, the one who made it?
I think this can be compared to an artist. Here is one example. In making a collage, the maker is really the only one who knows all the work, time and detail it takes to make it. The finished product, of course is pretty fascinating, but that's the only part people see. When you make a collage, you know the work that went into it. How carefully you cut pieces out and placed them on the page at the perfect angle, and finally glued it to the page when it fit just right. You know the inner workings of the collage. Even in layering the pieces together, they're placed just right to create dimension and not to hide anything important underneath. It takes great time and care to produce a work of art. And I think this is quite similar to God's approach of creating each one of us.
He knows the things that aren't physical, the thoughts, the hopes, the dreams, the desires, the secrets you wouldn't tell anyone. It's not a scary, sadistic reason why He knows all these things about us. He knows it because they are precious to Him, because He took great care in forming us. And nothing is hidden from Him. He knows all these things about us because He is the Creator and it is His business to know the details of His creation. He cares about those details because He's the one who went through the creating process to make us.
And I think it is wonderful that any time we show our creativity in any area; art, music, writing, etc. it is simply a reflection of the Creator....it's part of us being created in His image. Because He is creative, we can be creative too.

With Abandon

When I hear that phrase, it's like it stirs up a wind of emotions within me. What exactly does it mean? It seems in the Christian world today, it means forsaking all modes of comfort in order to pursue a life formed and lived only for Christ. And I agree, but perhaps the better question is what does this abandon look like?
Does it have to be someone who follows Mother Theresa as their model for sacrifice, living among the poor and rejected people of 3rd world countries? Or can it be the quiet woman who sacrifices career opportunities to faithfully raise her children? Or could it be the one who knows God has called her to serve in ministry at a church?

This has been something that I have wrestled with for years. Something within me really bucks against the idea that this phrase is reserved only for those who go "to the ends of the earth" to share the Gospel. Where does that leave the woman who has been called to be a mother and raise her children to follow God? Where does that leave the youth leader who is impacting teenage girls, who in turn will perhaps someday be another Mother Theresa? It is true that I respect and honor those who have chosen to forsake the comfort of the United States and live among those in other countries who are rejected by their society. Yet I also respect and honor the mother (like my Mom) who has raised all her children to be faithful and committed followers of Christ.
And perhaps the reason I buck against it so much is that I don't feel like I'm called to forsake this life in the United States to live in India with the lower class of society. I feel like I'm called to be here in the United States as a youth pastor, and when the time comes as a mother. And just because that is the purpose I feel tugging at my heart, I don't want to feel like it is a "lesser calling." God has created each of us to fulfill a unique and individual calling. Yet sometimes I wonder if the Christian world glamorizes some callings above others. I guess I want to see a balance in this realm, because each calling is just as important. And we never know what kind of ripple effect it will make when we are able to touch even just one person...in our everday lives. Learning how to live with abandon first in the comfort of the United States before we go out to the world. Learning how to live with abandon before we are charged with raising our children to follow Christ. And learning how to live with abandon through the process. This abandon is not the full goal, it is the process. And I have to believe there is grace for this process of learning to live with abandon, no matter what that may look like.

Writers Block With a Dash of No Creativity

The past few days I have been mulling over...and mulling over again...where exactly I want this blog to go. It seems I've hit a wall in the area of creativity.
I know I want it to be humor...something that makes chocolate milk spill out of your nose because of its shear wittiness.
And I want it to be inspiring...something that could make even the most addicted couch potato jump to action.
But lately it seems I open up the screen that says "New Post" and I try to coax something out and nothing comes. I recollect distant memories of when writing seemed to flow so easily from my fingertips to the keyboard to the screen, or from my pencil on to the paper. Alas, the writing is hiding...I can picture a...(dramatic pause of my brain trying to pull a clever analogy from the air...give me a second) a cat hiding around the corner watching the poor, defenseless tiny mouse (I'm the mouse) and waiting to pounce on it, scaring the ever-living life out of the poor thing, all the while snickering at the hilarity of it all. And I wonder...is this what it's like when you have a gifting of something, or is it more what it's like when you pretend you have a gifting of something. I've always wanted to be a clever writer, but times like this make me feel like I'm a pretend writer. Like the real gift was reserved for someone else.

And it makes me think about giftings. Take a walk for a moment in the process of my brain's thinking:
"Where are those clever analogies? Where is that inspiring narrative that could change peoples' lives? Where is that incredible insight and revelation communicated in the most perfect way? Oh I forgot, that's coming through the person sitting next to me."
There will be times in life where there are serious questions about our giftings...things that God has planted within us for the purpose of advancing the Kingdom. Things that pull at your heart strings and make you feel accomplished and interesting. I've been there the last few days. "Oh if I could have that writing gift, that would inspire people. The ability to write like [insert random name here]" And this is just one example of the many questions I've had running through my mind. But I have to trust that in those times, God will help redefine what those giftings are, even if they seem so simple.
So maybe someday my writer's block will come to an end...I'll escape the giant cat that's waiting to pounce on me and I'll have an inspiration to articulate...it's just not really today.

Small Fish, Big Unknown Water

This weekend I felt somewhat young and inexperienced.
Winter Camp was another new experience for me and Seth. It was a good time, returning to snow, and lots of it; spending time with kids from our youth group and just a great time in worship.
I had an interesting experience that made me think about the place God has me in right now. We had a meeting of youth pastors up there to talk about how camp was going and what the future looks like for our district. As the conversation went on I realized the people in the room have been through a history together. It's a history I haven't been here to experience with them. Yet all of a sudden I have been plopped here...perhaps destined to become a part of the group of youth pastors already here. And to begin experiencing this history along with them. And then I realized Seth and I are much younger than all of them, and they have all been in the youth ministry for quite a bit longer than we have. (Insert Small Fish, Big Unknown Water Feeling)
I find myself wondering if God knew what He was doing placing us young and now barely experienced people here. We're suddenly put in this place full of people who know what they're doing and have been at this ministry thing for years. Not to mention we're in charge of our group. We aren't interns or volunteers, but we're actually the ones in charge. The ones who need to hear God's voice and direction for our group. The ones who have been given the task of figuring out how to place our youth group with the youth groups in surrounding cities. We are supposed to be the creative force of this youth group. Even now, I feel both humbled and overwhelmed. God had to know what He was doing putting us here, at this time. And to think that He is trusting us with a very special group of teenagers who need guidance and mentorship. And we've been placed here with a readily available network of others who have been trusted to lead other groups of teenagers.
For a while I may be small fish in the big unknown waters. But small, young fish always grow and then the water won't seem so big and unknown anymore.

Do What You Know How to Do

It's the year 2009. A year of doing what you know how to do. This Christmas was a wonderful time for us to spend time with our families. In the midst of that, I feel like God showed me something that I really need to grab ahold of for this year.
As may be pretty obvious in my blogs from last year, it has been a difficult few months adjusting to the newness of life. This season gave way to frustrations, restlessness, and a negative attitude that needed to be adjusted. My time home showed me that all of this can change if I incorporate one simple idea: return to the things I know how to do.
One of the major frustrations that I faced was that I felt I didn't know how to have a relationship with God in the midst of everything changing. Perhaps it was the busyness, perhaps it was the "shock" from the change, perhaps it was sheer laziness, but I was convinced that the way I knew how to do devotions or have time alone with God just wasn't going to work. While I was at home, I realized, why should it be any different? Hopefully at this point of my life and walk with God, I have figured out some things that work, some habits that are positive and a lifestyle that shows me loving God and loving people, or at least learning how to do it better on a daily basis. After all, I just finished Bible college, and hopefully I walked away with some skills for studying the Bible, and God has shown me in other seasons how to pray and seek Him. Perhaps my thinking about all of this has made things a bit more difficult than it needs to be. Perhaps I don't need to wait to learn how to do a different practice, but to simply look back to the seasons when I seemed to have an easier time seeking God and begin to do what I know how to do.
I pray this is something that happens for my life. Doing what I know how to do, and allowing God to teach me the things I don't know.

Thankfulness:Building a new habit-Try it!

Last night at youth group, I would have to say my husband came up with an amazing idea! (Yep, he's just amazing that way!) He was teaching about thankfulness, and we actually had the kids write a list of things they are thankful for. This is how we did it. Go through the alphabet and think of as many things as you can that start with each letter,m that you are legitimately thankful for. When youth group was over, we gave everyone a challenge. For the next three weeks, expand your list and write down everything you can think of that you are thankful for--large and small. On Christmas Eve, take some time reading through your list and really thanking God for the things He has done and given in your life. After all "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows" (James 1:17)

I am excited to try this. Yesterday I had a realization that perhaps I have not been thankful enough for the things I have. It is so easy to be pessimistic and focus on things that are hard, or not the way that I want them to be. Perhaps my outlook on life will change if I can shift my focus to the things I do have. Those things in my life that are good, and that I have not because I deserve them but because God is simply that good. The reality is I have a lot to be thankful for, and I don't want to ever forget that.

December: The Most Wonderful Time of Year

So here we are rapidly approaching the holiday season. Seth and I are really looking forward to this Christmas because we're going home for two weeks!! (It's the longest I've gone without seeing some of my family members). There are so many things we're looking forward to during this Christmas:

Family (The greatest people I know!!!)
Idaho! (Oh the land of home!)
Hopefully snow (Most definitely dreaming of a white Christmas!)
Cold weather (Finally a taste of normal)
And Vacation (YES!!!!!!!!!)

It'll be a great, wonderful time and I am counting down...can't help it really.