The past few days I have been mulling over...and mulling over again...where exactly I want this blog to go. It seems I've hit a wall in the area of creativity.
I know I want it to be humor...something that makes chocolate milk spill out of your nose because of its shear wittiness.
And I want it to be inspiring...something that could make even the most addicted couch potato jump to action.
But lately it seems I open up the screen that says "New Post" and I try to coax something out and nothing comes. I recollect distant memories of when writing seemed to flow so easily from my fingertips to the keyboard to the screen, or from my pencil on to the paper. Alas, the writing is hiding...I can picture a...(dramatic pause of my brain trying to pull a clever analogy from the air...give me a second) a cat hiding around the corner watching the poor, defenseless tiny mouse (I'm the mouse) and waiting to pounce on it, scaring the ever-living life out of the poor thing, all the while snickering at the hilarity of it all. And I wonder...is this what it's like when you have a gifting of something, or is it more what it's like when you pretend you have a gifting of something. I've always wanted to be a clever writer, but times like this make me feel like I'm a pretend writer. Like the real gift was reserved for someone else.
And it makes me think about giftings. Take a walk for a moment in the process of my brain's thinking:
"Where are those clever analogies? Where is that inspiring narrative that could change peoples' lives? Where is that incredible insight and revelation communicated in the most perfect way? Oh I forgot, that's coming through the person sitting next to me."
There will be times in life where there are serious questions about our giftings...things that God has planted within us for the purpose of advancing the Kingdom. Things that pull at your heart strings and make you feel accomplished and interesting. I've been there the last few days. "Oh if I could have that writing gift, that would inspire people. The ability to write like [insert random name here]" And this is just one example of the many questions I've had running through my mind. But I have to trust that in those times, God will help redefine what those giftings are, even if they seem so simple.
So maybe someday my writer's block will come to an end...I'll escape the giant cat that's waiting to pounce on me and I'll have an inspiration to articulate...it's just not really today.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Small Fish, Big Unknown Water
This weekend I felt somewhat young and inexperienced.
Winter Camp was another new experience for me and Seth. It was a good time, returning to snow, and lots of it; spending time with kids from our youth group and just a great time in worship.
I had an interesting experience that made me think about the place God has me in right now. We had a meeting of youth pastors up there to talk about how camp was going and what the future looks like for our district. As the conversation went on I realized the people in the room have been through a history together. It's a history I haven't been here to experience with them. Yet all of a sudden I have been plopped here...perhaps destined to become a part of the group of youth pastors already here. And to begin experiencing this history along with them. And then I realized Seth and I are much younger than all of them, and they have all been in the youth ministry for quite a bit longer than we have. (Insert Small Fish, Big Unknown Water Feeling)
I find myself wondering if God knew what He was doing placing us young and now barely experienced people here. We're suddenly put in this place full of people who know what they're doing and have been at this ministry thing for years. Not to mention we're in charge of our group. We aren't interns or volunteers, but we're actually the ones in charge. The ones who need to hear God's voice and direction for our group. The ones who have been given the task of figuring out how to place our youth group with the youth groups in surrounding cities. We are supposed to be the creative force of this youth group. Even now, I feel both humbled and overwhelmed. God had to know what He was doing putting us here, at this time. And to think that He is trusting us with a very special group of teenagers who need guidance and mentorship. And we've been placed here with a readily available network of others who have been trusted to lead other groups of teenagers.
For a while I may be small fish in the big unknown waters. But small, young fish always grow and then the water won't seem so big and unknown anymore.
Winter Camp was another new experience for me and Seth. It was a good time, returning to snow, and lots of it; spending time with kids from our youth group and just a great time in worship.
I had an interesting experience that made me think about the place God has me in right now. We had a meeting of youth pastors up there to talk about how camp was going and what the future looks like for our district. As the conversation went on I realized the people in the room have been through a history together. It's a history I haven't been here to experience with them. Yet all of a sudden I have been plopped here...perhaps destined to become a part of the group of youth pastors already here. And to begin experiencing this history along with them. And then I realized Seth and I are much younger than all of them, and they have all been in the youth ministry for quite a bit longer than we have. (Insert Small Fish, Big Unknown Water Feeling)
I find myself wondering if God knew what He was doing placing us young and now barely experienced people here. We're suddenly put in this place full of people who know what they're doing and have been at this ministry thing for years. Not to mention we're in charge of our group. We aren't interns or volunteers, but we're actually the ones in charge. The ones who need to hear God's voice and direction for our group. The ones who have been given the task of figuring out how to place our youth group with the youth groups in surrounding cities. We are supposed to be the creative force of this youth group. Even now, I feel both humbled and overwhelmed. God had to know what He was doing putting us here, at this time. And to think that He is trusting us with a very special group of teenagers who need guidance and mentorship. And we've been placed here with a readily available network of others who have been trusted to lead other groups of teenagers.
For a while I may be small fish in the big unknown waters. But small, young fish always grow and then the water won't seem so big and unknown anymore.
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